It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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