I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
