THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
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