drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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