It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
