I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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