I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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