One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
