I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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