so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize