The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
