Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
