So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
