If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
