A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
