So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
