i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
