Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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