Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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