whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
