Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
