She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
