do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
