I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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