I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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