She just used a chaser for red wine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
send nudes
from the living room?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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