His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
