let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
