Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
