1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
