My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
PANTIES FOUND
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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