It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize