you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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