Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
