can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
