cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
