i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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