yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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