Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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