I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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