i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
