Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
