He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
