I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I currently don't understand fingers.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
