He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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