Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
