so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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