I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
operation harelip BJ is a go
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
