Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
