I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize