Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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