You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
