The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
