He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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