i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
