i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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