Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
