Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
