Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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