I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
