It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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