Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
