So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize