he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize