Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
