New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
