***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
