I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Oh god it's open bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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