Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
