so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
