Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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