Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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